CREATING METHODS OF HAPPINESS, PEACE & SUCCESS

Topics for the ‘Personal Growth’ Category

 

For a New Beginning



“For a New Beginning” by John O’Donohue

In out-of-the-way places of the heart,
Where your thoughts never think to wander,
This beginning has been quietly forming,
Waiting until you were ready to emerge.

For a long time it has watched your desire,
Feeling the emptiness growing inside you,
Noticing how you willed yourself on,
Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.

It watched you play with the seduction of safety
And the gray promises that sameness whispered,
Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent,
Wondered would you always live like this.

Then the delight, when your courage kindled,
And out you stepped onto new ground,
Your eyes young again with energy and dream,
A path of plenitude opening before you.

Though your destination is not yet clear
You can trust the promise of this opening;
Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning
That is at one with your life’s desire.

Awaken your spirit to adventure;
Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk;
Soon you will be home in a new rhythm,
For your soul senses the world that awaits you.

Spring Clean Your Behaviors



“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage”
– Anais Nin

 

Spring Cleaning Your BehaviotSpring is a time of new beginnings. It is a time to let go of behaviors that no longer make you happy and commit to making changes.

What are some behaviors that you would like to change? Have you picked up some bad habits? Is fear stopping you from doing something?

What would help you begin that change process? Take the first step.

Here are 4 Steps to Help You Start the Change Process

1. Identify what behavior you want to change and know why you must change it. Consider the reasons why the old behavior just doesn’t serve you anymore and the benefits of the new one. Commit to your new desired behavior.

2. Set yourself up for success by preparing yourself mentally and physically for action. Begin by writing down what you have committed to and posting it somewhere that you can see it often. Be sure to include the “why” you are doing it.  Identify any obstacles and triggers that may jeopardize you and write down the solutions for these obstacles. Set up the supplies or circumstances that will help you achieve your desired results, this includes a support system. Join a gym. Throw out the cigarettes and buy carrot sticks and tic-tac’s instead. Set timers. Go buy a week’s worth of greens. Whatever your goal is-take action!

3. Take action. Think. Get clarity. Identify what you want and then commit to taking an actionable step towards your goal daily. This is where the real magic happens.

4. Maintain your new behavior by reminding yourself of the reason it’s important. Satisfaction with your new behavior is dependent upon your expectations. Keep your expectations realistic. Significant change takes time. Change is a process not an event. Slowly but surely you will meet your goals.

Maintain your new behavior for at least 30 days so a new habit begins to take place. And if you relapse to your old ways, just return to the desired behavior. It is not a sign of failure but rather another opportunity to make you stronger.

 

Celebrate Self- Love



…Because self-love extends from how we treat ourselves to how we relate to everything and everyone around us.

It’s a small shift in perspective, prompted by a smile or a kind gesture or a “just because” moment that creates magical ripples.

Love requires action and it can be expressed easily through sharing and caring. It inspires kindness, connection and gratitude. It feels good for us. It feels good for others.

Self-love is contagious.

The moment we start celebrating love for ourselves, experiences shift.

Relationships blossom. Health improves. And life begins to feel ridiculously good.

So honor who you are. Stay true to your needs. Do what truly feels right for you. Do it with grace, do it with ease. Do it for others.

Loving yourself is not a one-time event and it certainly does not have conditions. It’s a natural, non-selfish way to attract love and spread love to those around us.

Self- love comes from within. By loving ourselves, we open the doors for others to do the same.

Celebrate… Expand… Share the love.

Dispute the Negative Self-Talk



The hard part about self-talk is that it always feels true. Even though your thoughts might often be biased or incorrect, you tend to assume that they’re facts.

Self-talk is often skewed towards the negative, and sometimes it’s just plain wrong. If you are experiencing depression, it is particularly likely that you interpret things negatively. That’s why it’s useful to keep an eye on the things you tell yourself, and challenge some of the negative aspects of your thinking.

With practice, you can learn to notice your own negative self-talk as it happens, and consciously choose to think about the situation in a more realistic and helpful way.

Learning to dispute negative thoughts might take time and practice, but is worth the effort. Once you start looking at it, you’ll probably be surprised by how much of your thinking is inaccurate, exaggerated, or focused on the negatives of the situation.

Whenever you become aware you’re feeling depressed, angry, anxious or upset, use this as your signal to stop and reflect on your thoughts. Use your feelings as your cue to reflect on your thinking.

A good way to test the accuracy of your thoughts might be to ask yourself some challenging questions. These questions will help you to check out your self-talk to see whether your current view is reasonable.

 

Challenging Questions

 

There are four main types of challenging questions to ask yourself:

1. Reality testing

  • What is my evidence for and against my thinking?
  • Am I jumping to negative conclusions?
  • How can I find out if my thoughts are actually true?

2. Look for alternative explanations

  • Are there any other ways that I could look at this situation?
  • What else could this mean?
  • If I were being positive, how would I perceive this situation?

3. Putting it in perspective

  • What is the best thing that could happen?
  • Is there anything good about this situation?
  • Will this matter in five years’ time?

4. Using goal-directed thinking

  • Is this way of thinking helping me to achieve my goals?
  • What can I do that will help me solve the problem?
  • Is there something I can learn from this situation, to help me do it better next time?

 

Recognizing that your current way of thinking might be self-defeating (i.e. it doesn’t make you feel good or help you to get what you want) can sometimes motivate you to look at things from a different perspective.

Changing the way you think about things may not be easy at first, but with time and practice, you will get better.

Try it out – it’s worth the effort. Let me know how it goes.

 

repost from www.reachout.com

 

Everybody Needs Somebody Sometimes…



Do you try to do everything yourself?  You’ve got this, right!

You can handle it-

Your Job- clients, bosses, co-workers deadlines, salesEverybody needs
Your Finances- banks, payments, budgets, funds
Your Family- husband, wife, kids, parents, brothers, sisters, cousins, pets
Your House- cooking, cleaning, laundry, repairing, decorating
Your Health- physically, mentally, spiritually

And the list continues. As a matter of fact, take a moment to break down the categories above and write down what each of them entails.
Yep, you’re doing a lot of work! Every day. Over and over again.

And why?

Perhaps, you like things done your way. Maybe, you think asking for help is a sign of weakness. Asking for help may even put you in a vulnerable spot. Heck, you might even get rejected or misinformed.

Regardless, somewhere along the line you came to believe that independence is the key to happiness and success.  And it may be- to a certain extent. You can be smart, successful, independent, and do anything you need to do or want to do.

But sooner or later, something will knock you down and you will need help getting back up. It might be something big and not so good, like a health crisis or a job loss or a divorce. It might be something big and very good, like a new business you are launching or relocating or joining forces with someone else. Maybe even winning the lottery.

And at times like this, you might need a housekeeper, a nanny, a financial advisor, a marriage counselor or a doctor. Some just need their family or their friends. But everybody needs somebody sometimes.

Now Or Later



Now Or Later Image

Procrastination is a psychological behavior that affects everyone to some degree or another. For some people it can be a minor problem; for others it is a source of considerable stress and anxiety.

 

One of the reasons children procrastinate is because they do not find the task fun or interesting. In fact, they tend to put off boring tasks until someone calls them out on it. Even then, they usually underestimate the time needed and effort that the task requires. Another reason may be that they do not feel confident that they can do what is asked of them. They may feel overwhelmed or confused on what to do first.

 

The following tips can help your child stop procrastinating:

 

  1. Set firm rules at home. Whether it’s completing homework or picking up their room, make sure that your child knows what is expected of him. Set basic rules such as “no TV until homework is done, checked and packed”. The trick here is to be consistent with the rule.
  2. Chunk it down. Some children need a series of baby steps to get them going. Start by organizing what needs to occur. Creating a visual that shows them step-by-step what to do often helps with the feeling of overwhelm. Include how much time each task should take.
  3. Get rid of perfectionism. Let them know that the goal is to get started, not necessarily to do it perfect. They can always tweak it later. If your child is stuck, just help them so they can keep going and not give up. Remember the goal is to get them going.
  4. Celebrate what they accomplish. Don’t wait until the end to say, “good job”, instead inspire them to continue what they are doing. You can say, “ you’re doing good- making progress” or

“almost done- keep going”.

 

Procrastinating is a habit. Your child needs your help to remind them that they will be able to start and complete the task. So instead of just telling them what to do, offer some support and jump in when needed. After a while, you will see that their confidence rises and they may not need your help anymore.

 

 

 

Stinking Thinking can really make you mad



stinkingthinkingAnger triggering thoughts often distort our view of reality.  Here are some of the most common negative thoughts that feed anger and how to get rid of them.

Blaming. The belief that someone else is responsible for a situation and that you cannot do anything about it. By blaming others you discount that you have the power to make choices that impact your situation. You feel powerless, helpless and stuck. You expect someone else to fix it.

  • Instead think– “What can I do to change this situation?” “ I can do something about this”

Magnifying. The tendency to make mountains out of molehills – to make an uncomfortable situation worst. Using words like “awful, terrible, unbearable, horrible, the worst”, provoke an exaggerated angry response.

  • Instead think– “ How horrible is this, really? “  “It’s irritating but I can handle this”

Universal labels. The use of black and white thinking and judgments – seeing a person as “totally evil” or “completely selfish” and ignoring the good bits.

  • Instead think-  “ This is a problem or a bad choice but he/she is not a horrible person.”

 Misattributions. Jumping to conclusions and mind-reading; assigning negative motivations to the actions of others. You don’t ask for clarification or feedback because you think you already know.

  •  Instead think- What else might be going on? Can there be another explanation?

Overgeneralization- The use of “always”, “never”, “always”, “nobody”, “everybody”. Thoughts like “she’s always late” or “he never listens” fuel the angry situation.

  •  Instead think- “ How often does this happen? Are there times when it hasn’t happened?”

Demanding/Commanding- Imposing your own values and needs on others who may have very different values and needs. Feeling that your needs require other’s compliance.

  • Instead think- “ I would rather things were different but I can get through this.” “Not getting what I want is not the end of the world”

By practicing a bit of mindfulness you can turn around your cognitive distortions immediately and hence, get rid of anger.

Learning Styles- “To Each His Own”



img_learning_styleWe all have different learning styles, or ways of perceiving and processing information.

Visual learners enjoy pictures, videos and illustrations. They think in terms of “show me”. They like to have a broad picture before they get down to the details. You can communicate best with visual learners by using pictures, handouts, and graphics. Use phrases such as “do you see how it works?”

Auditory learners respond to sounds. They think in terms of “tell me”. They like participating in discussions, asking questions and prefer facts and details. They take into account the voice, tone and energy in a conversation.

Kinesthetic learners prefer to physically do something to understand and process information. They think in terms of “let me do it”.  They like touching, role-playing and fiddling with stuff.

Noticing how individuals prefer to learn and process information can be advantageous. For students, it can make school and homework much easier if they apply the techniques that resonate best with their learning style. For couples and families, it can facilitate communication and understanding and build overall better relationships.

People differ in the way they think, perceive, feel and behave. There is no right way or wrong way.  We are all unique and special and can communicate and process beautifully when respected and understood for our own special way.

Love and Gratitude



LoveHow much conscious care and nurturing do you give your love relationship?

Do you emotionally feed, water, nurture, play with or tune up your relationship?

The high divorce rate and the increasing number of couples living in unhappy or unhealthy marriages may reflect the lack of care, fault- finding, and emotional neglect in many relationships. Sadly, we typically put lots of time, attention and energy into the beginning of a relationship. Once we make a commitment, get married and settle into life together, the amount and quality of attention and energy decreases. Sometimes couples complain that life gets in the way of maintaining a constant flow of healthy energy and attention. Other priorities like work, children and school all take so much of our time and energy leaving very little for the marriage. We operate from the “squeaky wheel” principle – who or whatever squeaks the loudest or puts the greatest demand gets the attention.  Who or what is “squeaking” in your life? To what are you giving attention in your life?

Gratitude is a rich and powerful food for our spirit. The act of acknowledging gratitude and appreciation activates the law of attraction – what you give attention to, multiplies. What you appreciate in your life, you get more of!! Isn’t that a compelling and interesting fact? Focusing on what you appreciate in your relationship will help those things grow and multiply in your relationship.  Research tells us that an attitude of gratitude can have a positive effect on our thinking, mood and biochemistry. There doesn’t seem to be a down side to appreciation and gratitude.

It is important to tell your partner how much they are appreciated on a consistent basis. Everyone likes to hear kind words of gratitude. Take a moment daily to think of 3 things you are grateful for or appreciate about your partner and have your partner do the same. Perhaps, you can try keeping a gratitude journal together where you write down what you each appreciate. This journal will come in handy on days that you are feeling unappreciated, sad, angry or frustrated. It will actually help you get in a better mood and shift your neurochemistry.

The simple act of consciously focusing on gratitude is one of the best ways to nurture and emotionally feed your love relationship.

New Year’s Intentions, not Resolutions



new yearsHow about starting 2014 with a new intention instead of a resolution? If we set an intention rather than a resolution, we open ourselves up to a variety of possible outcomes, some of which might be more useful than what we imagined.  An intention is not as goal directed as a resolution, so there is less chance of getting stuck or fixated on a particular outcome.

 

Things are always changing, so setting intentions allows flexibility while evolving towards the life you desire. Simple intentions often pave the way for rewarding, long lasting changes.

 

Here are some intentions you may want to consider:

 

  • Pay Attention – We live in a fast paced world and for the sake of time, we often overlook what’s really happening around us. Take time to notice when you’re zoning out or rushing through things. This will make a huge difference in your relationship with others.

 

  • Practice generosity– Generosity can come in many forms: offering a compliment, a gift, assistance or emotional support. We all can benefit from a helping hand and unexpected kindness.

 

 

  • Mind the voices in your head– Don’t indulge in negative self talk or thoughts that keep you stuck in the past or worried about the future. Notice them and when they arise, redirect them with happy alternative thoughts. For example, if you are worried on what can go wrong in a situation, change your thoughts to what could go right. Develop a strong, detailed mental image of the good thought and use it any time the negative thought pops into your head. Remember, the mind is a creature of habit- careful what you feed it.

 

 

Note: Intentions arise from love not fear or scarcity. They make you feel inspired, not stressed. They generate a greater awareness and strengthen the Spirit.

 

 

Many blessings and wishing you a fabulous 2014!