Anger triggering thoughts often distort our view of reality. Here are some of the most common negative thoughts that feed anger and how to get rid of them.
Blaming. The belief that someone else is responsible for a situation and that you cannot do anything about it. By blaming others you discount that you have the power to make choices that impact your situation. You feel powerless, helpless and stuck. You expect someone else to fix it.
- Instead think– “What can I do to change this situation?” “ I can do something about this”
Magnifying. The tendency to make mountains out of molehills – to make an uncomfortable situation worst. Using words like “awful, terrible, unbearable, horrible, the worst”, provoke an exaggerated angry response.
- Instead think– “ How horrible is this, really? “ “It’s irritating but I can handle this”
Universal labels. The use of black and white thinking and judgments – seeing a person as “totally evil” or “completely selfish” and ignoring the good bits.
- Instead think- “ This is a problem or a bad choice but he/she is not a horrible person.”
Misattributions. Jumping to conclusions and mind-reading; assigning negative motivations to the actions of others. You don’t ask for clarification or feedback because you think you already know.
- Instead think- What else might be going on? Can there be another explanation?
Overgeneralization- The use of “always”, “never”, “always”, “nobody”, “everybody”. Thoughts like “she’s always late” or “he never listens” fuel the angry situation.
- Instead think- “ How often does this happen? Are there times when it hasn’t happened?”
Demanding/Commanding- Imposing your own values and needs on others who may have very different values and needs. Feeling that your needs require other’s compliance.
- Instead think- “ I would rather things were different but I can get through this.” “Not getting what I want is not the end of the world”
By practicing a bit of mindfulness you can turn around your cognitive distortions immediately and hence, get rid of anger.
